You deserve

I know – I’m supposed to be dishing out the latest Wabuku news and I’m getting there….but another thought hit me really strongly this morning that I can’t very well fit into my next update.  I was listening to music this morning in preparation for my quiet time, singing along (as loud as I wanted since I live in the middle of the jungle and no one could hear me).  This song came on by Natalie Grant, called You Deserve.  I’ve sung along to it before and the line, “You deserve’ has been running through my mind off and on for over a week but I was really humbled by this one line today.   Here’s the basic song, minus all the repeats of the chorus. 

 

How can I come with only this

You are the Lord, wrapped in holiness

But here I am, before you now

Here I am

 

  You deserve

every mountain falling

  You deserve

Every ocean reaching

  You deserve

All creation crying out your word

  You deserve

All of heaven singing

 You deserve

Every nation rising

I have heard

What you want most is my love….

 

How can I be the one your heart aches for

Still can’t believe you say that I am yours

So here I am

Before you now

Here I am

 

  You deserve…

What you want most is my love….

 

The chorus starts talking about all that He deserves.  He is the Creator and Master of everything – above all and deserving of all worship, honor, praise, glory and exaltation.  He is the King of kings and Lord of lords…..and yet, what He wants most is my love.  I was humbled to tears to think that the God of all creation love me and is worthy of complete subjection and submission and yet what He really wants is my love.  Who am I that He should even know my name much less desire to be loved by me?  Pretty powerful truth. 

 

So then I got to thinking about the truth and ramifications of this.  Is it really backed up in Scripture?  Why would He wants that over anything else?  I could write a thesis on this probably but here are some of the things that came to mind this morning.  If I love Him, then I will keep His commandments, according to Jesus anyway.  If I love Him, then I will love His children – and all of those for whom He died.  If I love Him, then my heart will be broken for what His heart is broken for.  If I love Him, then I will submit and yield to Him.  If I love Him, then I will even obey Him, wanting only to please Him and never hurt or disappoint Him.  If I love Him, then I trust Him.  If I love Him, then I will seek His company often – and thus become more like Him.  If I love Him, then others will see that love too and be drawn to Him.  If I love Him, then nothing else will tempt me to ignore or become indifferent to Him.  If I love Him, then I will be much about His work, serving in His strength.  If I love Him, then I will choose fellowship with Him over anything else, such as sin which would break that fellowship.  I’m sure I could say more but I was quickly convinced that my love is really what He wants.  And even in that, it’s actually for my good that I love Him too.  I am loved by Him and I receive a ton of benefits by loving Him, it’s in my best interest to love Him.  And I need to get to know Him in order to love Him.  The more I know Him, the more I will trust Him, the more I trust Him, the more I will love Him.  The more I love Him, the more I will obey Him.  And then the cycle starts all over again so that the knowledge, trust, love and obedience go deeper and deeper.  And the more that I know, trust, love and obey Him, the more others see Him through me.  Sounds like the author of this song knew what they were talking about…..how absolutely amazing and humbling to think that the Great I Am, Creator of All, Almighty, Holy God wants my love.  Unbelievable!

High Water

Perhaps for my first post since the Gospel presentation here in the village, I should be writing about the growth in the church and such and I will write about that.  But today as I listen to the water crash against the shore here in Sinow, I’ve been thinking about who God is and what He’s trying to teach me through high water.  It’s rainy season here in Papua New Guinea and the main Sepik river rises and falls based on the amount of rain up and down the river.  We expect it to come up over the air strip in January or February or even March, but not usually this early in the season.  I just moved into Sinow at the end of October so I’ve not had a cargo flight since I came in.  It’s not like I’m running out of food or anything but I have run out of fresh vegetables.  I can get greens here in the village and I even have some taro and sweet potato at the moment.  But no lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, broccoli or anything.  I have one more container of fuel to make my next run up to Wabuku and back, but then I’m out.  The water kept rising over the weekend so that the strip was partially covered on Sunday.  I was planning on a two-night overnight up in Wabuku, leaving Monday morning.  Sunday night, the rain just kept coming down.  The river came up even higher, so much that the guys taking me to Wabuku preferred to only go for one night so they could get back and get some necessary work done with water in the village and around their houses and gardens – totally understandable but that cut short my visit.  So we went up to Wabuku with beautiful weather and it almost looked like we might get through the night with no more rain…..but no, a good thunder/lightning storm and lots more rain came down.  The water actually went down a couple of inches in Sinow but not enough to help with the air strip situation.  I also found out when I got to Wabuku that my main taper wanted to help me and had left word for me but we had to leave before he’d get back.  So I missed out on a translation opportunity – because of high water.  So we came back and the rain came down again the next night….would it ever end?  I can’t imagine it raining for 40 days and 40 nights like it’s been raining the last week.  Yikes – I have new appreciation for Noah!  Anyway, it was official – the strip was under water by a good 12 inches so today’s fuel flight was cancelled – it had already been delayed from Tuesday.  And the flight that was supposed to happen tomorrow to get my blood taken to check my thyroid levels isn’t going to happen either.  So not only will I not get the fuel I need to keep making trips up to Wabuku, I won’t get the packages that I’d sent myself with medicine and other things in them….and we may not get our cargo in on Tuesday as we’d planned.  The pilot heads to another town for meetings on Wednesday so if the flights don’t happen Monday or Tuesday, I have to figure something else out for the blood draw and wait until December to get more supplies in.  In addition to all the food items, I’m waiting on a 9 volt battery so I can use my oven.  (It’s the igniter for the oven’s pilot light.) There’s no local store to run to for that around here.  So although it’s been a month since the last supply run, I’m not entirely sure how much longer before the next one.  There’s a part of me that would like to get frustrated but how can I?  Part of this is just the reality of living in the jungle.  But apart from that, if I say that I believe that God is good….that He is sovereign….that He is gracious and merciful….that He will take care of His children….that the righteous will not lack for any good thing….then it’s in the midst of high water and no flights and a shorter stay in Wabuku that I have the opportunity to live out what I believe – or not.  Do I just say this with my mouth or with my life too?  If I really believe that is who God is, then how can I complain about His plan and what He has for me right now?  I can but then what do I really believe about God?  My life – my actions say far more than my words what I believe to be true about God.  And I believe He is good and sovereign, able and all the rest, so I just can’t let myself complain or get frustrated.  Sure, my flesh wants to but what good does it do me anyway?  Rest is found in Him.  Walking in the Spirit has rest, joy, peace and all the rest of the fruit with it – so I think I’ll trust Him.  And ask Him to work it out for the flights to happen before Wednesday.  J 

Kisses of grace

I've been back here in Wabuku for all of ten days now but it seems like it's been ten times that somehow!  Coming back with a stealing incident to face right away sure made the first few days melt into one long day!  I shared with you of the incredible journey the Lord took me on to Memphis and back – and how tired my old body was as I got back to Wewak.  I stayed a few extra days to rest up and my coworkers, Elias and Jose Struik came back in on the Tuesday.  I had packed up a bunch of stuff and sent it in with them to help cover the weight I left  in not going in.  J  Then on Thursday, my other coworker, Matt sent me an email to let me know that one of the kids had stolen one of my boxes – hiding it under our dinghy (that leans against the back of the fuel shed).  Then three other boys joined him after dark to tear into all the treasure in there.  It was especially hard as it was the box filled with the gifts and purchases from the US.  Parents of the kids from ECS had purchased some things for me and then the parent teacher fellowship had given me $200 to go shopping.  The lady who does my mom's nails had sent nail polish and a pedicure kit to me and my mom had brought some Mary Kay stuff I was running out of.  And the majority of those things were in that box.  There were some really nice things in there – three bags of Starbucks coffee, chai green tea, three bottles of nail polish, hot tamales, a spa kit from one of the moms so I could pamper myself in the jungle, note cards, Croc flip flops, dried blueberries and then things like shower curtain liners and big storage-sized Ziploc bags.  I'm not the first person in the Sepik to have tribal people steal from them.  Many have had much bigger things stolen from their houses or boxes missing on the trail so I'm not alone in this.  And that made it almost harder for me. It was just 'stuff' – it was not anything that was going to keep me from functioning in the tribe – but everything in that box basically was a gift.  And it was all from America – and couldn't be replaced in Wewak or anywhere in PNG. 

 

I'd like to say that I handled it with grace and joy but that was far from my reaction.  Many have been there – the stages of anger, hurt, betrayal and all the rest that goes with it.  Hope, a missionary living in Wewak was the first person I saw after reading the email and I felt a bit numb at that point but then shared with her what was going on.  She was really sweet and encouraging while I was just mad the more I thought about it.  I cried often that day as I thought of it – more about the fact that these ladies had been so insistent in getting these things for me and now they were gone.  Then knowing that these kids get candy from me every cargo run as they help carry our stuff to our houses – and now they'd stolen from me.  I was going to eat lunch with two couples, one of which had just arrived on the field soon after I found this out.  Hope came over with a shower curtain she had – to replace one of the ones taken – so sweet and it just made me cry all the harder – as I shredded carrots for the salad.  It must have been some sight – tears running down my face as I shredded carrots with more gusto than perhaps ever before in my life!  Hope was encouraging and such a help to me at that moment!  So I dropped the salad off at Tara's and went to the radio – to see if anything had been returned or if it was all just shreds of bags and such.  Yep – pretty much gone, wrappers had been returned!  Anyway – I felt ridiculous as I headed up to Suttons – tears in my eyes and obviously having been crying – just in time to welcome the Georges to the Sepik!  Can you picture it?  So ridiculous – but they were gracious and at least acted like they didn't notice.  Tony was talking with the new couple in the living room as I snuck in the door and cried on Tara's shoulder for a couple minutes in the kitchen and explained what was going on.  No one died – it was just a dumb box that was stolen.  Oh – why can't I just accept it with a song instead of tears?  But again, Tara was super sweet and was ready to hang some boys up by their toe nails for me! 

 

Anyway- made it through lunch and the rest of the day but I was no longer so anxious to get back into Wabuku.  My brain was still trying to make the transition from the US to Wabuku and this sure wasn't making me feel loved and welcomed back into the Wabuku fold.  I also knew that the believers were upset and not happy about this either. I knew that there were some folks that were looking forward to my return but as mad as I was about this too.  I was mostly sad that we would all be talking about this stupid box instead of all that God had done through my trip.  I was so excited to share with them about these kids and their parents' reaction to hearing about Wabuku and the believers – and how excited they were with their little string bags, etc.  It was so fun to be able to share with these kids that there were ladies in Wabuku praying for them – and now to be able to share their responses with the folks here was going to be so cool!  But instead the first thing we'd be talking about was stealing.  Ugh.  The enemy seemed to be still trying to derail all that God wanted to do through this opportunity. But I knew that God would prevail – He would still use this for His glory!  Then I read this devotional on Thursday night, with tears streaming down my face.  It said something about saying to yourself, 'All is well,' no matter what difficulty or hurt you find yourself in – not as a mantra but as a healing balm and to say it until it had pulled the poison out of the sting.  I went back to that thought several times in the next couple days – it did seem to pull the poison and its sting out. 

 

I knew that God wanted to do something through this – in my life, in the lives of these ladies that supplied everything and in the lives of the Wabuku people.  I knew that He could enable me to not only forgive these kids but continue to love them.  Another missionary made me cry again as we met in supply Friday morning and he prayed for me and the Wabuku folks in this – I was fine at that point but his compassionate plea for God to undertake for me and these kids was so encouraging and helped to heal the hurt a bit too.  God was using His people to minister and encourage me in so many ways! 

 

We landed in Wabuku and Imi, my sister and perhaps the strongest female believer in here hugged me and we were both just about in tears by the time it was all said and done.  It was a bit strange and as my coworkers all said how good it was to have me back – I wasn't quite ready to say I was glad to be back.  That wouldn't have been completely truthful at the moment.  J  One of the missionaries in Wewak had shared some great stuff on Easter Sunday – how Christ had kept his eyes on the joy set before Him as He endured the cross – and we needed to do that too.  I kept thinking back to that – and that God wanted to do something through all this.  I wanted to be able to love these kids and their parents but also knew I'd need His strength to do it.  My flesh wanted to knock some heads together and it sure wasn't feeling like loving these folks.  But God….however we responded to this needed to be with the church in mind – another incredible opportunity perhaps to display grace and forgiveness.

 

Anyway, I went to dinner at Struiks that night and had a good meal and good fellowship with them.  Then I came home and started unpacking different things – we were going to meet the next day as a team to decide how to handle the stealing incident and I needed to make my list of things that were in that box.  The two shower curtains had been returned as well as the Ziploc bags and a partial bag of coffee.  And don't forget all the nasty panty liners and the bits of one note card and an empty tube of eye cream and filing sponge.  But I didn't have those in hand yet – just knew that they'd shown up at the other houses so far.  I had this list of things in my mind that were in that box and was sad about the loss of things like latex-free band aids and a coffee mug and dental floss that were in the box.  The mug was a one of a kind type of thing – a random single one that would be hard to replace.  And the floss was a new kind so how could I tell my mom what to get?  And although a friend in Wewak had given me a box of latex-free band aids and Hope had shared some latex-free tape with me, I was more sad because of how much work the one lady had gone to get them – she was so afraid she wasn't getting the right thing.  Anyway – those things were in that box too as far as I could remember.  But as I opened another box,  I found the band aids, the coffee mug, and the dental floss in there! It was like the Lord had placed kisses of His grace in the midst of all this loss!  All I could say was 'thank you.'  I don't even really know how to put into words the comfort and love I felt in just having these couple things.  But I definitely felt His love and presence through them.  The icing on the cake was that on my way back, I thought I had lost one of the earrings that another missionary gave me for my birthday but as I unpacked, I found that I actually had both of them!  That was the final kiss – and it was sufficient for the moment! 

 

I cried my way through the team meeting  - mostly because of the betrayal I felt.  The kids are all unbelievers but it was frustrating to see that very little was coming back – parents and adults knew and weren't doing anything to show support for us.  We met with our committee guy and it was funny – he mentioned things that I'd forgotten were in the box – like a book and pen.  I'd forgotten about the flip flops until someone started mentioning to Matt and myself that one of the kids had given them to someone from Busan, another one of our villages.  In the meeting with the village the next day, we saw a mixture of both.  We saw a clear line of demarcation of those that are with us and those that want nothing to do with teaching and are not supporting us.  We weren't surprised by it – expected it actually but it was encouraging to see those that are behind us stand up so clearly.  I brought the letters these kids had written to Wabuku kids and recounted how these kids have been praying for the Wabuku people for the last year – and how the moms wanted to do something to help me since I live so far from my mom, without a husband or family to look out for me.  And the very kids that these folks were praying for had stolen those 'memory' things.  The total loss was almost 800 kina but I knew that we couldn't really charge them that full price or people that had had nothing to do with it would pay – and I didn't want their money.  We ended up charging each of the four kids 50 kina – and although we'd already decided as a team that we'd settle for that figure, one of the guys said that so we knew that it was acceptable. So Boni, our committee, tried to get some of the stuff back and the flip flops did come back, as did several empty bottles that had lotion or whatever in them.  But the nail polish was on lots of kids' fingers as well as Diksen's, one of the men and chief thief in the village.  It was sad to hear that some of the male believers had eaten some of the things along with the thieves – 'we just tasted it, we didn't fill up our bellies on it' but they sure didn't tell any of us that it had been stolen!  It was a 12 year old boy that came to Matt to let him know that a box had been stolen.  On the other hand, it was neat to see Tyob, one of my main translation helpers stand up and pay his nephew's 50 kina quickly and state that these kids had brought shame on the village and parents and that he would never say anything about having to pay this money – it needed to be paid.  It was 'right' that it be paid.  He hugged me and apologized for his nephew's behavior.  The other three kids' relatives were slower in coming up with the kina but it showed up.  Then three of the four kids and their parents shook my hand and admitted their part in it and that they wouldn't do it again.  The fourth kid and his parents didn't bother  - and that wasn't surprising really either.  The dad made the choice to even be in the village at times and refused to come to the teaching so we don't see his support and didn't that day either.  I was amazed that I was able to share all that I wanted to share in a calm voice without tears.  I figured I'd cry my way through it but again, the Lord knew what the Uriay needed and perhaps the tears would have brought more shame to those that were already feeling bad for me.  Perhaps it would have made it harder for me to share the things I shared – I just know that I kept asking the Lord to undertake – that I could reflect Him well and He could be glorified through a situation that was not good so I have to trust that the control He gave me must have been for the best.  I must admit that as I see my nail polish on kids' toes, I have to check my attitude but I can shrug the things off without wanting to strangle kids either.  For a couple days, I'd remember something else that was in the box that I'd forgotten about – like some note cards for Jose's birthday or whatever.  But I don't feel the anger or hurt anymore – just a wee bit of disappointment.  Mostly I feel His grace and support and can say, it's just stuff and it doesn't matter.   Only by the grace of God….

 

 

Me with some of the ECS students!

 

The students prayed as they commissioned me to go back to Wabuku!

 

Imi is on my right here reading the Word of God

Imi continues to amaze me!

It was Sunday night and time to meet with the ladies again.  It had been a long week and yet I couldn’t skip this meeting!  I was leaving the following Thursday to head out to Wewak as the first step in a long trip to the US to speak at a Christian school.  So I couldn’t very well miss the last meeting with the ladies for a couple weeks – and God sure blessed me as a result of my going! 

 

We had talked about baptism in the lesson that morning – the last lesson of the week from our first week of Acts teaching.  I asked the ladies if they had questions on what we talked about and so we spent most of the evening talking through the real reason and meaning of baptism.  It was so cool to sit back and watch Imi respond to some of the other ladies that were still a bit confused about the meaning of baptism – and that it didn’t help in terms of salvation – only Christ did that.  I was just an observer as this new believer taught the other ladies!  Wow!  So so cool to see the answers coming from an Uriay woman, and not the white one!!! 

 

Then we started talking about prayer requests.  The ladies knew that I was going to be making a whirlwind trip to the US to speak in a Christian school where a friend of mine has been teaching them throughout the year about tribal ministry, specifically about Wabuku and myself.  The ladies had woven little string bags for me to give the kids – I bought them but they knew why they were making them.  They knew what I was going to do but I didn’t ask them specifically to pray for flights and the speaking times and such.  We were talking about things going on there in the village – who was sick and other things that needed to happen in the days ahead.  But then as we prayed, Imi started praying for me and the kids that I would speak to.  She asked God to undertake in my journey – to get me there and back safely.  She asked God to give me wisdom in what to say to the kids and then she went on to ask Him to work in the kids’ lives so that they too might one day become a missionary!  I was humbled, amazed and even convicted that I hadn’t asked them specifically to pray for those things!  The Spirit of God is at work in Wabuku.  He is speaking to believers and challenging them to get involved in what He is doing – in and outside of Wabuku!  Why hadn’t I asked these ladies to pray for flights to go off on time?  Why hadn’t I asked them to pray for me and the kids?  Dumb on my part and yet I’m so very thankful that the Holy Spirit works in spite of me!  I’ll have an opportunity to return and share with this lady just how God answered her prayers.   Praise the Lord His Spirit is at work and growing these young believers up in the faith!!!